A Clash of Wallpaper

When in the course of Chinchilla events it becomes necessary to take any job that's available we will occasionally take a gig that is euphemistically classified as wallpaper music. This in essence means that we have lost complete creative control over the situation and are actually asking people to not pay attention. (Not that I'm complaining, we love to play and will do just about anything to show off.) We must scour the repertoire for non-music as I like to call it, you know, background stuff. And then we have to play it longer than we have originally prepared and so it changes! Again that's OK as well because we like to jam sometimes. (just another way to show off really, that is if anyone is listening)
But something happened at The Saturday Afternoon Club on...wait for it..Saturday Afternoon! People began listening! Oh, yeah, we were surprised too. But for some reason the songs we had chosen were going over nicely and so we broke the cardinal rule of wallpaper and it was getting sticky. More and more people were listening and then it happened at the end of a song...wait for it...ovation! That's right folks, it started with just the sound of one hand clapping and then suddenly that hand came in contact with another. (Thus the clapping sound arose) and it was repeated and then again and again until the clapping became applause and all the imprisoned people in abject poverty were fed and freed of their bondage and peace settled over the earth and the forces of evil were once more reduced to their slinking away into the darkness to plot and plan their next assault. They will just have to wait until the applause dies down... and who knows just how long that will take?

A Taste of Decibels

During the Taste of Autumn at a Winery/Ranch in October 2008, a benefit gig we've been playing at for quite a few years, a series of foibles lead to a disaster of immense proportions. I have the foibles (love that word!) listed for easy understanding.

1. We arrived at the scene in plenty of time with all of our equipment including our brand-new Yamaha x 12-y2240 High Fidelity Surround Sound 3000 MEGA watt WTL* PA system with integrated 3D monitor output.

2. One of the other bands scheduled to perform had come unprepared and approached us and asked, "Do you mind if we use your Yamaha x 12-y2240 High Fidelity Surround Sound 3000 MEGA watt WTL* PA system with integrated 3D monitor output."

3. Now , The Chinchillas have always been all-about-da-music and cannot refuse service to a fellow musician (I think it's in the rule book) and so we said, "No problem!" That was our second mistake. Our first mistake was thinking we had it figured out already.

4. The first band was a trio of Celtic musicians consisting of a father and son and a bouzouki player who didn't look related but you never know about these things. They played nice music and we almost had their sound adjusted by the time they were done. Hey! We weren't being paid to run the sound for them. Actually we weren't getting paid at all. (We are quite used to this actually, and we are told that it really, really, really has nothing to do with the quality of our performance.)

5. We went on next and it only took us a little (way too much) time to set up. Since I was the last one ready, I was the last one to plug in my vocal mic. I can only describe the next couple of seconds like this... HOLY CRAP! ...or like this!

6. When I plugged in my vocal mic a WTL* high pitched screeching howl emitted from the speakers. From where I was standing we only lost about three people whose heads actually exploded and a few who looked as though they had indeed heard something from Hell. Some only bled from the ears and at least one crawled about on all fours crying pitifully for its mother. Wine tasters were left holding shards against Merlot-stained Hawaiian shirts, hardly noticeable really. A beautifully restored 1938 Buick began yet another restoration of windows all 'round and the hay-ride went off the road into a ditch atop a trembling jack-russel terrier.

7. I don't suppose, dear reader that I must espouse that time-honored aphorism of artistic determinism. Ah but perhaps among you are the unbelievers, the part-time lovers of the muse, the not-fully-anointed, the only-partially-lubricated as it were. And so I say, with appropriate fanfare "the show must go on."

8. Since the delay of starting late and cleaning up the grotesquerie, we could only play for ten minutes. Which is enough really, in oh so many ways. But when we were done we had to do the sound for the last band. We stayed until after their final encore which went to 7 AM the next morning and why not, since they started at 4 PM?

9. So as you can see, a really smooth performance that goes without too many glitches can be a rewarding experience for the audience and the performers. We just can't wait for next year.
*Way Too Loud

The Chinchillas
When Normal Music Just Isn't Enough

____________________________________________

In the late seventies a group emerged whose mission it was to save the next generation from the evil influence of so called "Disco" music. Venice Beach California and Old Town Pasadena were the scenes of horrific concerts, coffee house and art fair gigs by the Chinchillas. After these musical incursions, polyester leisure suits and shirts with high collars covered with flowers were found cast off by the new discipleship of dulcimer music. The high heeled boots of the disco generation were replaced by the painful rock-hard souls of Birkenstock Sandals though some wore no shoes at all lounging about dizzied by the delirious drones of the Appalachian spell. Three champions emerged soon to swell their ranks to four then back to three and then four again, then three and then four once more or perhaps another time with three kind of like that Dave Mason thing with Traffic or Neil Young with CSN.

In a career swoop dotted with pop-psychology experimentation, bad feng shui and numerous success /failure fluctuations reminiscent of Beethoven's early years, The Chinchillas pulled themselves from the muck of postmodern anti-culture to rise into sub-sub-cult status; ironic only because they had no followers of any consequence except for Delvin the Friendless, who played the flute badly in the front row during performances annoying everyone.

A move to Northern California brought a short respite from the pressures of stardom and a return to the simple life of Internet surfing and cable TV. The early 00's saw a resurgence in a desperate hope that somebody might care to listen and despite evidence to contrary The Chinchillas began work on a new release. Anyone lucky enough to be forewarned will be forearmed at the fantabulous forearms of these flailing first-rate geniuses of that gentle genre, these innovators, These Chinchillas!
_______________________________________________________________

A few highlights of a lustrous career:

During one memorable concert for a high security prison, the thieves and murderers were difficult to control and shouted obscenities. The audience on the other hand, was mostly quiet and were very receptive.

___________________________________

While on the "Rancho Cucamonga Tour" (so called because the tour consisted of a birthday party for a 92 year old retired lesbian nun and a stop on the way home at the Rancho Cucamonga Bar and Grill; the band didn't eat) the Band was struck dumb unable to speak for hours or maybe it was just an alcoholic stupor, anyway it lasted hours.

___________________________________

During a party-gig for a well-to-do socialite millionaire the band was nonplussed to find the newest member of the group, Nigel, had eaten every shard of food in the house before the guests arrived. The band used all the profit and then some from the gig to buy Ding-Dongs and Twinkies for the several hundred guests. Albeit they were proud to add a sense of bohemian ambiance to an otherwise sullen soiree.

___________________________________

(words that are bold-ed above are very slick! Try to fit them into your vocabulary so you will be thought of as "cool," some people need that!)*

*(you're welcome)

CG 2008